10 Sex Tips to Try Next Time
If you're like most people, you probably wonder "What would JLo do?" when you're about to finally hit the sack with that long-time object of your desire. It's only natural, right? Well, okay. Maybe not. On the other hand, celebrities pretty much have all the action a person could want just thrown at them on a daily basis. And so if anyone outside of Amsterdam's red-light district knows anything about the finer points of copulation, it has to be celebrities. Right? Right. So let's see what sex tips some of our favorite celebrity ladies have to offer.
“Rock stars. Is there anything they don’t know?” - Homer Simpson
Sure, Homer was referencing rock stars, but he might as well have been talking about any famous person these days. And surely if they know everything they must have some words of wisdom to impart that can help you get the most out of your bod-ay par-tay. So here's our list of top 10 sex tips from celebrities:
- Olivia Munn: Talk dirty early and often - Olivia Munn believes you should break out the X-rated dictionary as soon as you round first base. Her argument is that if you wait until you're about to cash the check to start with the dirty talk, it will seem inauthentic and might even have the effect of throwing a cold, wet towel over your lover's mood. So don't wait until the last minute to break out the gutter talk. Her celebrity sex tip is to introduce it early.
- Kate Beckinsale: Don’t forget the tech - Despite the fact that she spends most of her time-fighting werewolves and vampires, Kate is a 21st-century gal who is keen to take advantage of technology. Her advice: use a webcam when you're separated from your beloved. It's a way to stay in touch, and at the same time, it adds a sense of mystery and naughtiness.
- Cheryl Cole: Moans and groans - While some love dirty talk others are drawn to a more refined sort of vocalization in the boudoir. Cheryl’s celebrity sex tips begin with this: “big loud screams” are a turnoff for guys. She advises women to dial back the noise and instead go for heavy breathing and soft, sensuous moaning and groaning. Ohhhh yeaaahhhhh...
- Jada Pinkett Smith: Any port in a storm - Mr. and Mrs. Smith apparently like to keep things fresh by “gettin' their freak on” in unexpected places. She espouses the joys of escaping to the bathroom during a party for some extracurricular activities. If you're at home and looking to add some spice to your sex life, she recommends doing it in the guest bedroom. Her sex tip? “Be sneaky,” she says.
- Amy Poehler: Keep it real - It's no secret that plenty of women fake it. Amy Poehler, however, is not one of them. She believes that if you go to all the trouble of seducing someone and going through foreplay etc. that it doesn't make sense to fake the third act. To her, there's no good excuse for dialing in the climax when, with a little patience and effort, you might be able to produce something truly memorable. So take your time.
Jennifer Lopez: Don’t clip the nip - JLo’s advice perhaps surprisingly has nothing to do with butts. Her celebrity sex tip is aimed at guys, and it goes like this: don’t even think about twisting a woman’s nipples. To her, nipple twisting is something akin to the original sex sin, and she’s a bit scornful of guys who twist nipples as if they are tuner buttons on an old radio. She believes most women agree with her on this one and she might just be right.
- Zoe Saldana: No time for splits - Because she has long legs the Avatar actress says that getting on top for her was always like doing splits on the balance beam: awkward and uncomfortable. Until she discovered pillows. Now she happily places a pillow or 2 under each knee/leg which serves to elevate her a bit and negate the need for having to spread quite so wide. So if you’re tall follow Zoe’s advice and boost your position a little bit to gain a comfort advantage.
Kristen Stewart: Pit stops rock - In an interview with Vogue the Snow White actress claims that ex Robert Pattinson turned her on to the joys of the armpit. Since then she's developed quite the affinity for licking pits. Especially if they're not particularly clean. This way, she says you get "That smell of someone you love." As far as celebrity sex tips go that one could get a bit hairy.
- Rashida Jones - Get down with the ex - Ex's all over the world sat up and paid attention when Rashida went on the record saying people should sleep with their ex. It has to be said, however, that her recommendation smells a bit like revenge. Because, you see, she recommends ex-sex only if you want to make your ex jealous about how much better you are in the sack now, or if you know there's no chance you'll see them again or if it's "subtly hate sex". Her words, not ours.
- Khloe Kardashian: Dirty mind - What list of top 10 sex tips would be complete without input from a Kardashian? KK wants you to know that “Dirty talk is hot as f**k.” According to this celebrity, if a guy isn’t mouthing off like a carnival barker in a bordello, then she can’t really gauge his interest. According to Khloe, when a guy cuts loose with the uncensored language, it’s a great way to learn what he likes and doesn’t like.
Well, there it is. The big list of celebrity-approved sex tips hot off the digital press and ready for you to put into action. Just remember to keep talking dirty while you’re licking your baby’s pits in the bathroom and you’ll be alright according to Hollywood.